What is Coaching?

At Consciously Kinky we use four key methodologies: Coaching, Counselling, Hypnotherapy and EMDR.  Over the coming weeks, we'd like to tell you about each one and how it could benefit you.

This week, the spotlight is on coaching. 

I'm Matthew. I'm an ICF (International Coaching Federation) accredited coach. (I've got a PCC and over 900 hours of coaching under his belt for people who are impressed by these things.)

I remember when I was first handed a card from someone who claimed to be a life coach. I remember thinking “How could you possibly have the audacity to tell me how to live my life?” 

Of course, that’s not what a life coach (or any other type of coach) does. When I’m doing my whole BDSM Master thing, I tell people what to do. When I’m working with coaching clients, I’m more likely to ask questions to help them gain new awarenesses about their own lives.

Believe it or not, you’re pretty good at life. 

If you’re reading this then you’ve made it to adulthood, can read, have enough money to have a device that you can read it on. 

You have more skills than you know. Coaching can help you find those resources within you.

But sometimes, our lives simply don’t go the way we would like them to. Maybe your life has taken a turn you weren’t anticipating or maybe it’s not going the way you hoped. Maybe it feels like you’re not going anywhere fast, or you can’t work out where you want to go.

What coaching can do is to give you a space to work out how to better use the skills and resources you already have and make your life more successful as a result. 

Who do you work with?

I could give you countless success stories from my clients. I’ve coached people across the globe and of all walks of life. 

Here’s just a few examples:

- Students looking to overcome procrastination.

- Early career professionals hoping to find a path.

- Middle managers trying to improve leadership skills.

- CEOs and business owners building their companies trying to make more money. 

- Retirees navigating a new life after work, or the death of loved ones. 

- People trying to overcome addictions, lose weight, reduce pain, sleep better, reduce anxiety or become better singers.

- Couples working to improve their relationships, become open or overcome infidelity.

- People coming out as LGBTQ+ or discovering BDSM.

- People who are newly single and navigating life on their own.

- People who have been doing the same thing for too long and just feel stuck.

All of my clients are promised: No Judgement, No Shame, No need for Apologies for being yourself.

Paul and I set up Constantly Kinky because we were constantly told by people in the community that traditional coaches and therapists did not understand their lifestyle.  We promise you will get not judgement here.

Everyone I've worked with is safe knowing there's no judgement, no shame. Which means that I often work with people who are LGBTQ+, poly or kinky who want to be sure they can talk about their whole lives. 

Some frequently asked questions about coaching:

Do you tell people what to do in their lives?

Nope. I don’t live your life and I’ve no reason to know what you should do with your life any better than you do already. 

Do you teach your clients?

Sometimes, but not often. For example, I may tell my clients about a model that will help their leadership or their understanding of themselves. But it's not really about teaching, it's more about offering something that could lead to a new perspective.

Is there anything you don’t work with?

Coaching is mainly future-focused. I work to help you to define goals, overcome challenges and to find success. What I don’t do in coaching is to delve into the past, work with traumas, childhood issues, deep anxiety etc. 

This doesn’t mean that someone with trauma can’t have coaching - they can. But in coaching itself we won’t be trying to heal the wounds that traumatic experiences have left behind. EMDR (which I also offer) and counselling (offered by Paul) are better methodologies for dealing with traumas and other upsets. At Consciously Kinky we offer an integrated way of working so you can be supported throughout your journey. 

Similarly, you may come to coaching whilst you have health (or mental health) conditions, but I'd background rather than trying to fix them. A good example was one person I worked with who had bipolar disorder. It was being well treated by doctors, but we had to be aware that she would sometimes have very low periods of life and discussed how to cope with her work during these periods. We didn’t try to fix the bipolar disorder itself.

What’s a coaching session like?

Each is different, as each client has different needs and I tailor my approach to match them. Most start with the client bringing a challenge (“I want to make a decision” or “I want to overcome something” are common) and then we will work together to plan a route forward. More often than not, the challenge they bring is only part of the problem. Coaching is flexible and flows to where you need it to go.

How much is coaching?

I have various packages available for different people. The price that I charge will be based on your circumstance, your challenge, and the time we spend together. One thing I always say is that I don't want price to be a barrier. If you're on a low wage, or you're a student, let me know and we can work something out.

How do I find out more?

Contact me today to organise a complimentary ‘Experience Coaching’ session. We will do some real coaching together. You’ll see what it is I do (and how I do it), plus there’s time to discuss what working together would be like, the cost, and for you to ask any questions you may have.